She Is: Values Pt. 3

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This post is part of a series. To get the full experience, start here.

Equality: the quality or state of being equal.

Merriam-Webster

Well I’ll be dipped. I had no idea there were so many ways to define the word equal.

When choosing my final 8 core values, I went back and forth on including equality. My mind leapt to the first definition of the term: “of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another.” Mathematical and direct. It doesn’t matter what you need–everybody gets the exact same thing.

As someone who read the dictionary for fun as a kid, you’d think I would know better.

As I prepared to write this post, I found unexpected delight and relief at definition 1c: “like for each member of a group, class, or society.” Now that’s more like it! I was using the scientific definition in a social context. This alternate definition of equality frames the word in the context of people. This definition is the one in my heart, the one I truly value.

Humans weren’t created with a mold. We all have various experiences and identities that make us who we are. Some facets of our lives are outside of our control; others are chosen. Some make it easier for us to move through the world. Unfortunately, others cause challenges due to what they represent in society.

And that’s the part that needs to change.

The deepest desire of my heart is a world where everyone’s needs are met and people are cool with it. No one feels angry, or bitter, or resentful, or jealous–we all get what we need based on where we’re at in life. A world where we all understand that some of us need more and others need less. A world where we lift each other up so we call can thrive.

She Is: Values Pt. 2

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This post is part of a series. To get the full experience, start here.

Accountability: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

Merriam-Webster

In elementary school, we had a ritual that laid the foundation. At the start of each day, a short greeting and some specific instructions echoed from the loudspeaker at the front of the room: Stand beside your desk, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and repeat this mantra:

“I am special.
I am responsible for my actions.
I am going to do my best work today.”

I repeated those three sentences every day from kindergarten through fourth grade, so I can’t say I’m shocked they stuck. Add in a Black mama who didn’t play about decorum plus my Virgo sun sign and the “A” in my initials might as well stand for Accountable.

I’ve always felt an obligation and a willingness to accept responsibility for my actions. It is my duty to hold myself accountable to my own personal convictions and be the person my mama raised me to be, a kind, generous, productive, contributing member of society. I also really like being the person who does what they say they’ll do, someone others can rely on. When people think of me, I want them think of someone who says what she means, means what she says, and isn’t afraid to admit when she’s wrong.

It frustrates me that others aren’t as accountable. I know I hold myself to some pretty high standards (I am very, very much a Virgo) but sometimes I wonder why some people refuse to take the tiniest bit of accountability. Too many folks make excuses, act wishy-washy, or have a million and one reasons why everyone else is at fault but them.

I’ll use myself as an example! I wholeheartedly intended to post updates to this series every week. But for a whole host of reasons, this post didn’t go up when I wanted. I didn’t do exactly what I said I would.

I could blame my job for keeping me busy. Or my husband and dog for needing my attention. Or even my iPad for not having enough battery!

But that isn’t accountability.

Instead, I will acknowledge that the post is late (which it is). I will apologize if that upset anyone (sorry about that y’all). And in the future, I’ll do my best to post on time (and hopefully y’all will give me grace if I am late sometimes).

Nobody’s perfect, but we can all try to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. We can all take responsibility for the actions we take and the energy we put into the world, even when we mess up.

She Is: Values Pt. 1

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As promised in my last post, I’m back to share my 8 core values from Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead list. The values I hold most deeply are:

  • Accountability
  • Equality
  • Financial Stability
  • Honesty
  • Independence
  • Loyalty
  • Perseverance
  • Reliability

To get to this list, I narrowed the full list of over 100 values down to 24 finalists. My final 8 came from those 24. In the original version of this activity, you should narrow down even further to just 2 or 3 values. However, my therapist recommended choosing 8 because our value system can be complex. And let’s be honest- choosing just 2 or 3 values wouldn’t make of a blog series. 🙂

I expected this exercise to be difficult, but holy dang! A lot of introspection and reflection went into just narrowing the list down. I also really thought about what each value meant, searching for definitions and critically assessing what that word meant to me.

I highly encourage everyone who is on a path of personal growth to identify their own top 8! You can view the full list of values here. By examining our thoughts and motivations, we can better understand ourselves and each other.

This is Me

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Truth.

We each have our own ideas and perspectives on what is true. This is based on what we learn, see, and experience through our lives. Truth is an idea that is deceptively simple and overwhelmingly complicated all at the same time.

This morning, Goddess encouraged me to explore my truth. And I must admit, I am struggling with this directive.

Who am I, truthfully?

What do I honestly want for my life?

Am I brave enough to live my truth unapologetically?

To answer these questions, I’ll explore my personal values. I feel the best way to articulate who I am is to thoroughly outline my fundamental truths, the basic beliefs that shape how I move through the world.

So welcome to the This is Me series! In this collection of posts, I’ll examine my core values using Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead list.

First, I’ll share the 8 core values I’ve chosen. Then we’ll dig into each one in detail. Each post will focus on a single value and why it is so important to me. My goal is to deepen my understanding of myself and stand firmly and proudly in who I am.

I’m so excited to begin this journey toward self-acceptance, and I encourage you to come along for the ride! May we all embrace our truth, accept who we are, and move forward more confidently in life.

The Power of Now: Actionable Tips for Living Your Best Life (from guest blogger Melissa Howard)

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Photo by Freepik

In an era where life’s pace never seems to slow, finding your path to personal excellence might appear formidable. Yet, it’s the incremental changes to our everyday habits that can dramatically shift our trajectory toward success and fulfillment. This guide from Deep Curves Ahead provides actionable steps you can take to enhance your well-being, nurture personal growth, and achieve your aspirations.

The Essential Role of Quality Sleep

The cornerstone of a productive and fulfilling day begins with a good night’s sleep. Adequate rest is paramount, not merely for physical rejuvenation but for mental sharpness and emotional balance as well. When you commit to 7-9 hours of quality sleep nightly, you lay the groundwork for enhanced focus, improved mood regulation, and overall physical health. It’s the fuel that powers your ability to confront daily challenges with vigor and resilience.

Navigate Stress with Grace

The presence of stress in our lives is a given, yet its impact is determined by our management of it. Identifying stress triggers and embracing coping mechanisms such as mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, and self-care rituals, transform stress from a hindrance into a catalyst for growth. This proactive approach to stress management not only alleviates immediate tension but also fortifies your resilience against future stressors.

Find Renewal Through Deep Cleaning

A cluttered environment often mirrors a cluttered mind, where both can significantly hinder your ability to focus and manifest your goals. Committing to a deep cleaning of your living space not only refreshes your surroundings but also declutters your mental landscape. Make this process easier by unearthing cleaning hacks and tips from reputable online sources. This act of renewal invites creativity, enhances focus, and cultivates a serene environment conducive to personal growth and productivity.

Become a Better Communicator

The art of communication is a pivotal tool in building and maintaining successful relationships. By enhancing your ability to listen actively, express yourself assertively, and extend empathy, you deepen your connections and navigate conflicts with ease. These communication skills are instrumental in cultivating a supportive network and advancing collaborative efforts, both personally and professionally.

Embrace Organization In All Aspects of Your Life

A well-organized life is a foundation for efficiency and clarity. Developing systematic routines and employing organizational tools like planners and digital applications streamline your daily tasks, thereby freeing up time for growth-oriented activities. This strategic approach not only minimizes stress but also aligns your daily actions with your overarching goals, ensuring steady progress toward your aspirations.

Use Your Vacation Time 

Embracing the full potential of your vacation time can be a transformative experience, not just a break from your daily routine. Instead of letting those precious days go unused, plan trips that you’ve long dreamed about. Whether it’s exploring the hidden gems within your own state, discovering the diverse cultures and landscapes across your country, or venturing into the vast and varied terrains of the world, each journey offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and enrichment. Traveling broadens your horizons, exposes you to new ideas, and fosters a deeper understanding of the world and your place in it.

Go Back to School to Boost Your Career

Going back to school is a strategic move for career advancement, and choosing an online degree program adds a layer of convenience and flexibility that can be pivotal for working professionals. For instance, if you’re a nurse, with a master’s of science degree in nursing, you can gain valuable skills designed to equip students with a range of competencies, from advanced patient care to healthcare policy and ethics, all of which are critical in today’s rapidly evolving medical field. The beauty of an online education format is that it allows you to balance your work and family life without compromising on your academic goals.

The path to living your best life is paved with intentional actions and mindful decisions. By embracing these strategies, you’re not merely dreaming of a better tomorrow; you’re actively constructing it. Each day presents a new opportunity to apply these principles, gradually steering your life toward a future brimming with success, fulfillment, and personal achievement. Start today, and with each step, you’ll move closer to realizing the life you envision.

Join the journey at Deep Curves Ahead, where engaging and uplifting stories await to guide and inspire you through life’s twists and turns. 

America Has a Problem

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Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?

As a child, I thought America was the best country on the planet. Today, I still have love for my country. But as I’ve grown and learned more American history—real American history, not the whitewashed sugarcoated stuff—the relationship has grown more complicated.

America was built on land stolen from indigenous people with labor stolen from enslaved Africans. As a descendant of enslaved Africans, I am constantly reminded of the cost of the “American experiment.” Chattel slavery built this country, and my ancestors lives were only as valuable as the work they completed, the output they produced. That original sin is often glossed over; even today politicians claim America is “not a racist country” when it was literally built on the backs of the extremely racial institution of slavery.

I grew up during the 1990s, a decade of innovation and prosperity in America. During my childhood, it seemed like things were on the up and up for the USA. But even then, there were subtle signs that my country of origin wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Unfortunately I experienced racism as young as 4 years old. I was called racial slurs, told to “go back to Africa,” the list goes on and on.

Where I grew up, racism was blatant—confederate flags, segregated churches, an active Klan chapter just a few counties over. But racism would sneak up on you too. I’ll never forget when one of my closest friends—someone I literally called my brother—told me to go pick his cotton. I assumed I misheard him when he said it the first time; surely my “brother” wouldn’t say something like that to me! He repeated himself for emphasis, and I’ve never forgotten how crushed I felt in that moment.

In 1996, the US hosted the summer Olympics in Atlanta. My mother and I were fortunate enough to get tickets—we saw Michael Johnson and his gold shoes set world records in Track & Field! But those Games were marred by tragedy; a bombing took place that sent the country into a panic. Fast forward to September 11, 2001, another tragic day in American history. After both of those incidents, Americans came together in ways that I had never seen before. It felt like we were actually united—not Black or white, gay or straight, but American. When times got tough, we really lived up to the statement “united we stand, divided we fall.”

And still, I haven’t even begun to touch on the ways America has caused conflict and chaos in other parts of the world. It is hard to be proud when I know how much damage my country has caused to people who look just like me.

To me, being patriotic is resolving to do what I can right these wrongs. I can’t change everything, but I can take small steps. I can try to make things right and be the kind of American I can be proud of. Patriotism is recognizing our painful past and vowing to never let it happen again. True patriotism is creating an American that lives up the the ideals set forth hundreds of years ago: one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Heated

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today, Work Life by

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t really think of myself as a “complainer.”

I’m the type of gal to try to make the most of any situation. I say I “go with the flow” though my therapist might call it “conflict avoidant” haha. But I truly don’t have much to complain about in life.

However, one thing chaps my ass so much I’ll actually speak up about it:

If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT.

Nothing irritates me more than a flaky person. The old folks called it “sometimey.” You say one thing, then do another. Behaving this way is a guaranteed method to get my attention (and not in a positive way).

Perhaps I feel this way because I try really hard to keep my commitments. My mother DID NOT PLAY about keeping commitments! Anytime I wanted to sign up for a new activity or team, she would always say, “If you agree to this, you see it through the whole season/year/production/whatever. You don’t have to do it ever again after that, but people are depending on you. If you make this commitment, you keep it.”

So you can imagine how, after a lifetime of keeping commitments, it irks me when others don’t do the same. To me, my word is everything. So if you tell me you’ll do something, I will believe you until you show me otherwise. Therefore…

If you can no longer do a thing, SAY SOMETHING.

I know life happens. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. So if I can’t keep a commitment, I’ll let you know as far in advance as I can (and expect you to do the same). Don’t have people out here counting on you and then just leave them hanging—that is disrespectful and rude.

So be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Keep the promises you do make. Let folks know if situations change.

Then maybe we’ll all have a bit less to complain about!

Love Like This

Posted in She. Me. Her., You + Me = Us by

Another poem as Valentines Day approaches:

I wish I’d never read Bridgerton.

Eight siblings, neatly ordered by name, forever bound by blood.

The Bridgertons fell in love, and I fell in love with the love.

A society lady got swept off her feet and I turned page

after page

after page

because I too wish to be carried away.

How does it feel to ride a wave of emotion so strong

you’d rather die than fight it?

To be so enamored you’d risk life and liberty

to bear his children, his name?

To read his words, etched in ink and sent across oceans

and know, in your heart of hearts,

he wouldn’t trade you for anyone else?

My brown skin and locs aren’t what the text describes

but I can’t help putting myself on the page.

What does it feel like to be the prize?

Not an afterthought, but the one sought after?

This is just a story meant to keep saps like me buying books

and merch

and Netflix subscriptions.

But I still ache for romance sweet enough to be a best seller.

Tangled Up in Me

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Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

Since I was a child, I’ve always had a lot of “stuff.” School papers, books, knickknacks, stuffed animals—if I received it, I kept it. To this day, my mother expresses amazement at the system of organized chaos I maintained. Yes, my room was a mess, but that mess was cataloged (and if you messed with my mess I would definitely notice).

As an adult, I’m still inclined to keep things but to a significantly smaller extent. These days I hang onto sentimental stuff: cards, photos, ticket stubs, items that are typically smaller and easier to store. I actually competed a project last month to reorganized all my mementos; they are now separated by phase of life, tucked away in labeled bins for easy reference in the future. (How very Virgo of me, spending my hard earned vacation time on home organization projects haha.)

Nowadays, the mental clutter requires more attention than the physical. I struggle so hard with letting memories go…especially when they hurt. The rejections, the embarrassments, the dismissals, the failures, the missed opportunities—all of them live rent-free in my brain and they love making their presence known.

I understand our brains do lots of wild stuff because of evolution; they are hard wired to protect us from danger and memory is part of that. But what I don’t understand is why I can’t purge some of this mental clutter. Why I hold onto it, pull it off the shelf, and examine it so often (even when I’d rather be thinking about pretty much anything else.)

It reminds me of a song:

I’m real good at forgiving

But my heart can’t forget

The ache before the mend

Kelly Clarkson, skip this part

I’m pretty good at moving on, but for some reason my brain just refuses to let go of all the hurt.

Maybe this is all for some higher purpose I haven’t realized yet. Or maybe it’s my depression and anxiety playing tricks on me (as they are known to do). Either way, I’d love to clear out some of these old hurts and make room for more positive thoughts.